Teach Us to Pray Pt. 5 :: Unanswered Prayer

In John 15, Jesus proclaimed, “apart from me you can do nothing”. In saying this, he invites us into a deep, intimate connection with Him. Not just for ourselves but that we may bear fruit for the sake of the WORLD.

Prayer, as we know, is the blood flow of life in the kingdom. It’s the air we breathe, the food that nourishes our souls, and the drink that quenches our thirst.

Yet for many, it has become too easy for our prayerful connection with Jesus to be pushed to the margins of our lives - squeezed into brief moments between busyness and distraction. 

For others, prayer comes hand in hand with disappointment. Years of seemingly unanswered cries have left many feeling confused and forgotten.

But it’s time for us to reimagine a life of prayer infused with purpose, hope, and power.

Together, we’ll press into what it means to develop a CONVERSATIONAL life with God — both in the secret place AND in communal agreement.

We’ll expand our imagination for what prayer is and what prayer can be.

Both intercession & contemplation

Adoration & petition

Silence & singing

Lamentation and delight

It all belongs together.

Join us for a season of seeking God together.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Thanks for joining us today as you listen to a portion of the message recorded at Fine Life Church in Boulder, Colorado. If you'd like to connect with us further, you can visit us online at www.findelife.com.

SPEAKER_01 0:16

Created to be in relationship with God, right? He made us, he made us in his image and likeness. And then he came and he walked in the garden with us for a while. Okay. But we were created to be in relationship with him. So how does that, how does that express itself? How can that, what does that look like? And I think it looks like how we're in relationship with each other, just like this morning. We know each other by name, we speak to each other, we care for each other, we have concern for each other, we encourage each other, and we bless each other. In our relationship with God, probably, my opinion, the primary element is this thing that we call prayer. That's how we talk to God. And that's how He talks to us a lot of the time. I'm so grateful that when I have a desire to talk to God, I don't have to make an appointment. You know? It's not like going to the dentist or something. You got a half an hour, 10 a.m., sharp. Don't be late. Not at all. God's always present, He's always with us, He's always at work. He's there. And we're very blessed to be able to do that. But we do need to learn how to pray. And I think that's a lifelong endeavor because there are so many layers of prayer. That is something that's very experiential. If you know how to pray, if you knew how to pray in every form, the challenge is this knowledge is only potential. It's only potential. And its authenticity and its value and its meaning only occurs when you actually do it. When we actually pray. And so in the experiential nature of prayer, the more we do it, the better we get. Now, we've been in a prayer series, and we've talked about several different things. In the first week of the series, uh we talked about adoration, prayers of adoration. Piper did a fabulous job, wherever Piper is. That was just absolutely beautiful. And the thing that struck me is that when we're praying in adoration, just like today when we're worshiping, we're lifting our voices to heaven, but things resonate for us too. And a lot of times I think when we lift up a prayer of adoration, how we respond in our spirit is with a spirit of gratitude. When we say, Lord, we bless you, we exalt your name, we praise you, how can we not feel what He's done for us? Gratitude is a fruit of adoration. Then the next week we talked about petition. Jeanette talked about petition. And, you know, I thought you made some good points. God's not unaware of what we need. You know, it's not like we call God up and say, God, I know this is going to surprise you. You know, I want to talk about the Denver Broncos. No. No, no, no. God knows what we need. And what he's wanting us to do, though, in that process of petition, is to declare our dependency on him. Without him, we can do nothing. Right? And so he's looking for us to declare our dependency on him. And that allows us to hear his heart and his promises. He's saying, I want to love on you. I want to give you exactly what you need. That's what I want to do. But I can only do that if you come to me with open hands. Last week, Dee Dee did a great job. Because of my leg, I'm watching her bounce up and down off this stage, and I'm thinking, man, I can't do that next week. She did a fabulous job, and Dee Dee was talking about the deeper place in this divine conversation called intercession. And she was demonstrating how temple life worked with the outer court and the inner court and the Holy of Holies and the High Priest and all of those things. But the point was this. With the work of Jesus, the veil was torn apart and pushed aside. And what that meant is for each of us, we can enter into the Holy of Holies. We are the ones that are the high priests in the new covenant. There is no rope around our ankle. There is no veil. There's none of those things at all. And we have the authority and we have the responsibility to do that, to enter into those places and intercede for each other. And to ask the Lord, what can I pray for? What is the prayer that I can offer that will align with your desires, God? What can that be? So God's word is filled with these miraculous prayers. You know, there's altars soaked with water, and fire from heaven burns it all up, and there's a parting of the Red Sea. There's all these miraculous things that happen, and that gives us hope. But sometimes the other thing it can give us is it can give us expectation. And so we don't go in the fear of the Lord and say, Lord, this is my hope. Instead, we want to negotiate. We know what we need. And God's done it before, so He'll do it again. And we have that expectation sometimes. And then things don't work out. You know, sometimes our divine conversation in prayer is we say, God, can you tell me what I should do? Is it taste great, less filling? Okay? You know what I mean? Should I do this or should I do that? Lord, I'm feeling a call in two directions. Tell me which way I should go. And sometimes, nothing. Right? Sometimes, now these are my prayers, they have no idea what to do. Okay? So I go to the Lord and I say, Lord, what should I say? What should I think? What should I do? What, what, what? I got no idea. And sometimes I have no answer. Just silence. And sometimes we're asking for something very specific. Okay, Lord, curl my hair back. Whatever it may be. Okay, we want something very specific. Cure this thing, heal my foot, whatever it may be. We have a very specific idea, not only about what we want, but often when we want it. And then neither shows up the what or the when. And we have unanswered prayer. So what do we do with that? See, part of what the enemy wants is when that happens, he wants us to think that we're unworthy. He wants us to think, well, I just wasn't good enough. I didn't pray hard enough. I didn't try. I didn't read my Bible enough. Whatever it may be. That's what he wants us to think. We just have to work harder or do better. We have to perform. Or he wants us to think, God's just not listening. He's not interested in you. He's holding all the planets out there and all these amazing things. And you, well, you know what you are. You know what you are. Or sometimes we can even have that unanswered prayer and say, well, maybe God's just an idea. Maybe God's a concept. He's not real. That's what the enemy wants. That's what he's after. And when we know that, then that strategy does not work for us. You know, I think of my own unanswered prayers. When I was a little kid, being a student wasn't my strong point. Okay? And my earliest prayers, which I assure you went totally unanswered, were walking home with a bad report card. I walked home with a lot of bad report cards. And I'm praying. I have my oh God moment. Oh God. Oh God. I'll do better next time. I'll try harder. I'll spare me from my father because he's going to be mad. And that's the way it played out. He was mad. And my unanswered prayer didn't work out very well for me. Or I think about Veterans Day. I was in Vietnam. And in Vietnam, I have this I don't want to get hurt. See, if you see anybody get hurt, you see somebody get hit with a bullet or a piece of shrapnel or something, that is not a very attractive idea. And you realize when something goes by your head what it would have done if it hit you. And when you're in a firefight in the jungle, you can see about 10 yards. You can see from me to Travis, okay? And everybody's shooting. People behind you are shooting that away. People out there are shooting this away. Stuff's going every which away, and it's very random, it's very chaotic, and it's very scary and hopeless. What are you gonna do? Run away? Throw your weapon down? Run off? No. You're gonna say, oh God, don't let me get hurt. And that was my pre my prayer. And then one day something came my way. Several somethings came my way, actually. And uh I had the literal pain of unanswered prayer in that moment. So what about you guys? What kind of unanswered prayer have you experienced? Maybe it's a diagnosis that turned out to be malignant, not benign. Maybe it's that dream job or the one you desperately needed and it didn't come through. In spite of all your prayers, all your pleadings, that wayward child is still wayward. Or maybe the stroke isn't going to be fully recovered from, or the insurance isn't gonna cover the damage. We probably all have a lot of unanswered prayers that we've experienced. Because prayer doesn't always work the way we want it to. We're created, we're destined for a life of joy. Would you agree with that? That being in relationship with the Father leads us to have deeper roots and a greater fruit of the Spirit in our lives. Petitioning and interceding, when we do that, is more than asking for a solution. It's more than asking God to parachute into our life and solve our problem. But it doesn't feel like it sometimes, does it? A lot of times it hurts. Unanswered prayer is painful. And when we're in the midst of that feeling of pain and of loss, it's hard for us to realize we're not losing something. Something's being deposited in us. God is always present, He's always at work, He's always faithful to every one of us in every situation. There's a lot more in our prayer life than just yes or no. Right or left, hot or cold. It's not like that at all. Sometimes we go to heaven and we just, oh, we have these agonizing prayers. They're soaked with our tears. We put our hopes and our dreams on the table and we wrestle with God. We put it all at risk. It's a test of faith. And we have to realize that when we're doing that, God is drawing us into a deeper intimacy. He's building us up. He's shaping us. He's giving us his vision, his mind, not ours. The Bible's brutally honest about the truth of unanswered prayer. It really is. Even with God's own son. If you would, turn in your Bibles to the Gospel of Mark in the 14th chapter. And we're going to drill down just for a moment on verses 32 through 41. The setting is the Garden of Gethsemane. Jesus is there. He's distressed. He's troubled. He has an idea of what's coming right over the horizon. Coming for him. So he goes to the garden. He takes some of his closest friends, goes a little farther, says, okay, pray for me. And he goes on along and he speaks to his dad. He says, Abba Father, you're my dad. I'm connected to you. I'm in a relationship to you. For you, everything is possible. Have you ever said that to God? I know God, there's nothing beyond your reach. There's nothing you can't do, right? And that's what he's saying. For you, everything is possible. And here's what I want. Here's what I want. Please let this cup of suffering pass from me. I don't want to die. I don't want to be crucified. I don't want to be beaten. I don't want any of those things. And he waits a while and nothing happens, so he goes back and his friends, who he thought were praying for him, were snoring for him. Okay? They're asleep. And he wakes him up. He says, Guys, guys, I need your prayers. And he goes back a second time and he brings the same prayer to the Father. It's about verse 39, I think. It doesn't happen. And he goes back to his friends, and they're right where he left them. They're asleep. And sometimes when I read this passage, I think maybe this is spiritual opposition. Maybe this is where the enemy says, I've got Jesus down. He wants to chicken out. He wants to bow out, and I'm going to strip everything I can away from him that would result in any other conclusion. Do you see what I'm saying? That might be exactly what happened. God's word doesn't say that, but I can't help but wonder. And finally, Jesus goes back a third time and he lifts that same prayer up. Let this cup of suffering pass from me. I don't want to die. I don't want that to happen. And in verse 41, you see the conclusion of something called no answer. And he says, it's enough. The hours come. I'm being handed over to sinners. My betrayer is at hand. Let's go. So even Jesus faced unanswered prayer in his life. He still has an unanswered prayer that the church would be one. Peter Grigg explains it this way. The reason God doesn't answer prayers is kind of three areas of possibility. One is the work of God, one is the war of God, and one is the will of God. They all start with W. It's great. Help remember that stuff, right? So when he's talking about the work of God, what he's saying is this God created this world in a certain order, the order of heaven. And there's a certain way that things work. And when we come to God and we ask God for something that is contrary to the way things work, the laws of nature that he's set down, then it's very unlikely he's going to answer that. Now it does happen, all you biblical scholars remember when the sun stood still. It does happen, but it's very, very rare. Then there's the war of God. I think we all understand that we're in the midst of a great cosmic battle. That there are these forces that are opposing God. And this goes on in the heavenly realms nonstop. And we're caught up in that same war. And what the enemy wants to do in his opposition to God is to use us and to use our prayers to manipulate those things in contradiction, hoping for a victory in this spiritual war. So sometimes when we're praying, we don't even realize that what we're asking for, what we're petitioning for, what we're interceding for, that can be totally contrary to what's happening on that spiritual battlefield right then. So sometimes it's the war of God that keeps prayers from being answered. And sometimes it's the will of God. So we ask for something, and that's just not the way God's going. That's not the direction that He has. He's doing something else. He's doing something different. It's not because we're unworthy or we don't know enough or we didn't try hard enough or any of those lies. God is just moving in a different direction. And in doing that, he's not able to answer what we're praying for. But when it happens, it's kind of disappointing, isn't it? Have you ever had those prayers as you earnestly prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and then it didn't happen? I can remember once being in my office on my knees, arms in a chair, asking God for favor in this business thing, and it didn't happen. It didn't happen. But when I did that, what I said was, not my will but yours. Because if I would have held it as my will and it didn't happen, then I would have to come back and try to understand why. Was it I wasn't good enough, God wasn't listening, God's not doing that kind of thing, what, what, what? And when that happens to us, and we have unanswered prayer and we have the pain and the disappointment that goes with that, it's important to understand that we're not alone. Think about it this way: many of us in this room are parents. We have these children, and our child comes to us and they want something. And we know that what they want is not good for them. It's not the thing they should have. It's harmful for some reason. But what do they do? They come, they're relentless, they beg, they plead, they cry. I hate you. They get mad. They negotiate. If then, I'll do this if you'll do that. Can I have a puppy? I'll feed them. No, you won't. They do all those things, but we know we're not gonna give it to them because it's not in their best interest to have it. It's not good for them. Now, in that moment, in that moment when we know we're not gonna do that, how do we feel? I feel terrible, don't you? I don't want my kid to be disappointed. I don't want to see this pile of tears and heartbreak and all that. I don't want that at all. And it's the same way with our father. When we're suffering, he's suffering with us. He doesn't want that. He's suffering too. But something we have to bear in mind is this God's silence is not the same as God's absence. And when God is silent, he's still there and he's still suffering with us because he loves us unconditionally. We're his creation. Well, when that happens, um we probably would all agree. I mean, you know, this is a room full of people that have pursued the Lord, have walked with the Lord. And so when these things happen, I think a lot of the times we take refuge in this. And we trust him. Would you agree with that? Heads nodding? No? Okay. I'm relieved. Yeah. So we we do that, but here's the problem. The problem is this. It's like if we were standing around in here talking and somebody stepped on my foot. Ouch. Okay. That would particularly hurt if it were my right foot. Right now. But whoever stepped on my foot, it's not they meant to step on my foot. Not only that, but to some degree, they're probably suffering with me. I'm so oh man, I'm so sorry. Are you okay? And I understand that it was not intentional, just an accident, but my foot still hurts. I still have pain in my foot, and when we have unanswered prayer and we accept the sovereignty of God, we trust in what God is doing, we still have the pain of our experience, of our disappointment. We still have that. When we have that, when we have that pain, something's been taken from us, we didn't get something, whatever it is, we have to be able to process that. We have to be able to express it because if we can't express our pain, then our pain can't be transformed. When we can express our pain, we can go beyond it. And we can go into a heavenly place. But when we can't express our pain, then it can't be transformed. And you know what happens with the pain we can't transform? We transmit it. We share it with each other. We become Debbie Downer. I'm sorry, Debbie. You just happen to be right there at the moment. We become negative, we become bitter, we become angry, we we build an expectation in ourselves that things just aren't going to work out for me, and we begin to corrupt our own identity when we do this. So it's vital that when we have grief, when we have pain, that we have the ability to express it. I'd like to give you two tools that might help empty the cup pain, because all of us are carrying a cup of pain. Some of us have buckets, maybe, but we all at least have a little shot glass of pain in our life. The first way that we can reach into our pain is through lamentations. We can lament what happened to us. You realize that almost half of the Psalms in the Bible are songs of lamentation. Psalm 55. That's a good one if you want to express lamentation. Cast your burdens on the Lord. Jeremiah, Book of Lamentations itself, Ecclesiastes. Job. These are all stories of lamentation, and the examples that they provide can often fit the reality of what we're experiencing. You know what I mean? Lamentations 1, first chapter, verse 16, says this. It says, For these things I weep, my eyes flow with tears, for a comforter is far from me. One to revive my spirit. My children are desolate because the enemy has prevailed. So we can lament what happened to us. We can express, man, I was disappointed. I was really bummed. My dreams were crushed. My hopes were just blown away. And that's one way that we can process our grief and begin to transform that into something better. A second way, a second tool, is a prayer of holy indifference. Now, when I say indifference, I don't mean indifference like I don't care. Whatever. No, that's not what I'm talking about. It's a prayer of not my will but your will. We can remind ourselves that we're not God's story. God's story is our story. We're part of his story. We're flowing in his flow. That's what we were created for. So the question becomes, Lord, I'm following wherever you lead. That's my prayer of indifference. You know, when we surrender, surrendering's a hard thing. Is anybody here really good at surrendering? I am terrible at surrendering, I must confess. Surrendering is hard. But until we get the end of our chain, we can't find the place where God begins. And so we have to be broken. We have to be pierced that way. We have to be cut. That's a necessary thing for us to be able to put it all on the table because as long as we're walking around thinking we have a little idea how to get ourselves past this or out of this or through this, then we interfere with the work of the Holy Spirit in our life. Jesus got to that place in the garden. He got to that now I know place. And he said, That's enough. Let's go. Off to Jerusalem. My accuser's here. Time to move on. It's not an easy journey. It's one of tears. It's one of regret. You know, there's five phases of grieving, seven phases. You can Google it up. Okay. Figure out where you're at in something. But it is a hard journey. What's happening to us when this goes on, when we're disappointed, when things don't work out the way we thought, what's happening is our will is being crucified. Our will is being crucified. That's what's happening to us. You see, for everything we do to reach the peace that passes understanding, we have to die to self. We just have to. You can't walk down both sides of the street at the same time. You can't come to the Lord with a yes button and say, I'm surrendered to you. I'm surrendered to you and everything. But something. We have to lead a surrendered life, but what we're surrendering into is victory. That's what we're surrendering into. That's truly where it's at. When we feel like we've got this weight of heavenly silence and despair, and we're realizing that we have to die to self. We can look in the Gospel of John. Chapter 12, verse 24. And Jesus is talking, and he says, unless a seed fall to the ground and die, it can bear no fruit. It can bear no fruit. And that's what he did. He fell to the ground and died. And look at the fruit he bore. We have to be able to surrender. We have to be able to give it up. And then we can become fruit bears. When I was a little boy, there was a little kind of a delicateess in drugstore a couple blocks from my house. And I went in there one time, and I was absolutely captivated by this little blister pack. Now be thinking 1952 or something, okay? We just discovered fire. Wheel was coming. It was back then. And in this little package hanging on a rack was a little whistle and a little badge and something else. I can't remember what it was now. But I wanted it. I wanted it so bad. So of course I went right after my mother. Said, Mom, I want to have this. It's a dollar and ninety-nine cents. I really need to have this. I can't live without this, as a matter of fact. I mean, it must be God, right? I mean, I really want this. So my mother said, Well, I'm not buying it for you. So I went in the lemonade business. Now, so my mom helped me and I got a card table, put it out on a sidewalk, and I had a pitcher of lemonade that she provided, and some cups, and I had a sign on the front of the table taped on it that said, lemonade, one dollar. That's all I needed. That was it. That was the answer for me. I just needed to sell one glass of lemonade at a dollar. Well, that didn't work either. But you know, the reason I bring this up is because in those days in that season, that was everything to me. I would have given a lot, more than a dollar, to have that little badge. Oh, it was a compass. A badge and a compass and a star. I would have given a lot. Now I look at it and it doesn't have a lot of meaning to me. A lot of times that's the way it can be for us, that in the moment we have something that's so terribly important that it becomes a test of God. You know? God, I need this. Feel the depth of my heart. Feel my earnestness. And it's not going to happen. I was able to transcend my pain over that little dollar worth of 10 1950 for or something. And the things that we're experiencing today sometimes can seem so immense. And yet, as we get the mind of Christ, as we enter into the peace that passes understanding, we begin to realize that in the greater scheme of things, they don't mean anything at all. They're very insignificant and they're not worthy of our pain. When things are silent, it's not happening. That's when Paul shows up and he gives us some good words to go by. Okay? This is in Romans. He's writing a letter to a bunch of people we never met, hadn't met yet. In the fifth chapter of Romans, verses three to five, he says this. Everybody here has read this, I'm confident. He says, We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. In other words, God's silence is not his absence. And when you think or I think that God is denying us something, no, he's depositing something into us. And that's good news. That's news to rejoice, isn't it? That's what's happening. Now I'd like to take a moment, and I want to ask you, just sitting here, to think about an unanswered prayer. Some unanswered prayer. This is the first one that comes to mind. Just hold that unanswered prayer. Okay, so I've got this unanswered prayer. And we have this wonderful ability in our memory that we can relive something that happened to us, and we can actually make it hurt more now than it did then. Did you notice that? We have the ability to do that. So enjoy I shouldn't say it that way. Experience the pain for a moment as you think about that unanswered prayer and ask yourself this question. We're going to sit with this for a little bit. When that was happening to me, where was Jesus? Where was Jesus in that moment when I finally said, it's enough. I know my prayer is not being answered. Where was Jesus then? Sit and think about that for a little bit. In this moment, knowing what you know now, feeling what you're feeling now. How would you use a prayer of adoration to respond? How could you see past your pain to find your comfort? Is there a place there for you? Matthew seven, fourteen. Jesus tells us that suffering is the path that leads to life, even for himself. It's for all of us. You and I today were trying to navigate through this world. It's a world of contention, unkindness, misunderstanding, cruelty, violence, deceit. We're trying to find our way as kingdom people through this place. And in doing so, we suffer and we do have pain. But we also understand that everything goes through the cross. Everything goes through the cross, and on the other side of the cross is what? Victory. We have victory. And our pain can be transformed. And we can see through adoration the goodness of God and where he's met us, where he's preserved us, where he's lifted us up, and where he's comforted us. In our series, there's a lot more to discover. There's more things coming. Stephen Roach will be here next year, next year, next week, to talk about, he'll probably be here next year too, I hope, to talk about creative prayer. Victory always comes with a price. But we can remember this. Even when we don't understand what's happened, we can still trust the goodness of God. Adoration, petition, and intercession all work together. They all work together. And when we're in our greatest adversity, if we're able to say, even though he slay me, I'll still trust, I'll still love. Then we stand on holy ground. When we do that, it's a place we can empty that cup of pain and just discover God's kind intentions for us. Let's pray. So, Holy Spirit, thank you this morning for what you're doing in each of us. We know that you meet us where we're at. We know that you have just exactly the right things that we need. Thank you, Lord, that the seeds you've deposited in us will bear fruit. Thank you, Lord, that we can see these things in our own lives, and we have something to take away, to share with others when they're in disappointment, when they're in pain, when they're grieving because they don't think you're listening, or they don't think you're good enough. They're good enough to be heard by you. So, Lord, thank you for this. We want to grow, we want to go deeper. And we lift all this up in the name of Jesus. Amen. Amen. Okay, let's stand. We're gonna get out of here.