Ways of the Wise | Week 2 -- What Love Is

What does the Bible actually say about building a healthy family? Whether your home is a place of peace or a source of deep pain, Scripture offers real and practical wisdom for every kind of household. This teaching draws from Proverbs, the Parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke 15, and the love chapter of 1 Corinthians 13 to explore what it looks like to build something better, even in the middle of the mess.

If you have ever felt like your presence in your family does not matter, or like certain relationships are beyond repair, this message is for you. God's heart is toward your home. He is not waiting for you to have everything figured out before He moves. He is already watching the road.


This sermon was recorded at a Sunday morning gathering at Church of the Lookout in Longmont, Colorado.

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Transcript

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Welcome to the Lookout Weekly Podcast. Growing its family and living in the transport of the world with all inspiring love. Visit us online at the lookout.church.

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Good morning. You can give your hugs and find your seat. If you want to come forward at all, I like a nice, intimate group. But you know, do what's comfortable. Welcome to the church of the lookout. Um, I just want to, some of my family members came. Uh my siblings and my dad. Um, and I and my husband, my children, death. Um, and I what I feel the Lord's put in my heart this morning to share, um, it I could not share it without all of you in my life. So my natural-born family and my chosen church family. Um, and so I just, it's an honor to be up here as I was preparing the last couple weeks. I found myself um up in our bedroom working, and I I found myself like that laugh cry. If you've ever like had a worship song on, and you start to laugh and cry, and you you're feeling the presence of the Lord, and I just was flooded with memories and the faithfulness of God that no matter what valleys we uh walk through, that I know a heavenly father who always carries me to the other side. And so this morning, if you don't know this Heavenly Father, I want to invite you to lean in. Feel free to ask questions after the service, but it's the real deal. I've been through enough life that I can no longer play church anymore. Amen. Amen. So that's where my heart's at. We just started last week a summer sermon series called The Ways of the Wise, and we're really rooting every message from a verse in Proverbs. Um, if you are not familiar with where to start and what book of the Bible to read, um, I highly encourage you to start in the book of Proverbs. Uh, when I was a teenager and Jesus was really capturing my heart, I would open up my Bible to the book of Proverbs. I worked at a Lady's Fitness Express. Does anybody remember those things? And they played like 80s music the whole time. It was great. But I had a lot of dead time. And I fell in love with the word of God. And it, I would read it and it would like arrest me. Um, I would be reading it and I would be like, oh, I'm a gossip, or I'd be reading it and I would I would feel the pleasure of the Lord. Like, Amy, you do that. And so it's a very practical book of the Bible. Um, so I highly encourage you to dig into it more. Um we uh were using the book to let Proverbs help us put honest questions in our life. Um so today's question might be the one that hits closest to home literally. And the question is: how do I build a healthy household? That's a loaded topic. Thanks, Luke. He he he knew he was gonna be out of town and he asked me to do it. Um, but I thought it would be fun, Luke thought it would be fun if I just read like three Proverbs before we get into the one for today. So, Proverbs 24, 3 through 4. A house is built by wisdom and becomes strong through good sense. Through knowledge, its rooms are filled with all sorts of precious riches and valuables. Good sense. I think we all need that, especially when we are triggered. Uh Proverbs 11, 29 says, Those who bring trouble on their families inherit the wind. The fool will be a servant to the wise. I don't know about you, but I'd like to be the wise person. Proverbs 15, 17. A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than a steak with someone you hate. That is real. I'm not gonna go into the details, but I have experienced steak with somebody that I didn't know what to do. It's a challenge. And then today's proverbs is this a wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands. I this month my husband and I will have been married 21 years. Thank you. Um it doesn't matter what valley you're in, it doesn't matter how tough things are in your family or your chosen family. I felt this morning or last night actually, as I was going to sleep, I felt the Lord show me the scripture, and it's Hosea 2.15. Media team, you don't have this. I apologize. But Hosea 2.15 it says, I will restore to you the joy of the years you lost and give you a new beginning. So as I camp out on family this morning, I'm gonna just close your eyes and I'm gonna read this over to you again. The Lord says, I will restore to you the joys of the years you lost and give you a new beginning. Amen. As I mentioned, uh it'll be 21 years uh that we've been married, and I can honestly say when I am surrendered and partnering with the presence of the Lord in my life, every year has gotten better. I have had moments where I have not partnered with the sanctification and the work and the instruction of the word of God and the Holy Spirit, and it backfires very quickly, and my life feels very chaotic. And I I've been wrestling, this is such a broad subject. Uh a wise woman builds her house and a foolish woman tears it down. And there's so many angles, and I'm not specifically speaking about marriage this morning. So if you are single, or maybe you've raised your children, or maybe you've gone through a divorce, I want you to go back to Hosea and I want you to hang tight that the Lord has a new beginning for you. But I'm I'm speaking to the nature of that scripture. And if you consider Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, you are called to build your house and not tear it down. Um and so when I use the word household, in the ancient times in the word of God, households and families often had businesses out of their home, they had servants in their home, they they did church, the early church did church in their homes. And so I need you to know no matter what season of life you're in, when the word refers to household, it's referring to much more than the nuclear family. Okay? They often singles, widows, children were folded into these house churches and these communities. I know that family can be an empowering word for some, and for others, it can be a word of grief. And so this morning, I just know that the Lord has hope for you and He wants to give you tangible tools. Um, I'm gonna, before we jump into our main passage, does everybody have the handout? Okay, awesome. I was not tracking that. Um, so let's pray. Father, I thank you for every family, every soul represented in this room. And I just declare that you speak a better word over their lives. I thank you that in your word you promise us new beginnings. You promise us that you will restore what the locust has eaten. So, Lord, anybody that is already feeling triggered with this topic, I just speak to it to be still in Jesus' name. You do not serve a God of shame and condemnation. You serve a God of restoration and resurrection. He promises us that nothing can separate us from his love. Father, I pray over the grandfathers, the grandmothers, the fathers, mothers, sons, daughters, Lord, aunts represented in this room, uncles represented, cousins, father. I pray over everyone in this room. And I speak to you in the name of Jesus, and I'm here to tell you that God is calling you to take a seat at the table in the family of God that you can trust Him. You may not have been able to trust any other leader or father or mother in your life, but you can trust your Heavenly Father. So, Lord, I submit my heart to you and just have your way this morning. We're not doing church. We just want to know you. Amen. All right. Um, so as I was, I'm I'm getting to our main scripture, guys. As I was driving into church, my son and his friend Asher was in the car. Um, I got a picture of um uh like a farmer. I come from a family of farmers on both sides, and and the farmer was holding a whole handful of seeds, and and I saw like dirt. And I was like, oh, because I've been trying to figure out how do I communicate um why we have to constantly lean into what the Lord is saying through his word, through prayer. Um and the we serve a God who he's not controlling, he is not sitting up there being like, oh, she did it again. He's he is he's a God who makes a way, he stewards his creation, he stewarded it by sending his son, and his heart is towards us. And I saw the Lord sprinkle these seeds in the ground and a picture of the farmer sowing the seeds, and I started seeing pictures of the tending to the garden. And the Lord, I felt in my heart, the Lord said, so many people do not receive a harvest because they're not willing to trust me and partner with me in the sowing. So many people believe in the gospel, but they don't walk it out. And whatever happens in the spirit, though I I believe this, I will camp out on this. If you have a spiritual encounter, students, if you are at camp and you have a spiritual encounter and I've heard about them and they are powerful, the Lord will call, like if what happens in the spirit, it must manifest in the natural. So oftentimes the Lord will encounter, if you're a Christian, he will encounter you in worship at a conference, and then we just kind of sit back on our couch and we're like, Well, I'm waiting on you, God. You promised me. And the Lord, he wants a relationship, and there is anointing and power when we say, God, I don't know how, but you promise me and I trust you, and I'm gonna worship you. When I was barren and I could not have children, I had years of going, Lord, I surrender this. I don't know how, but I trust you. And so this morning, there's an invitation to step up and partner with the presence and the Lord in your life. So if you have your Bibles, go to Luke 15, 11 through 32. Honey, can you bring me my water? Um This is a long passage, but Luke told me it was a story, so it was okay. It's a good one. It's one that's been preached in our house, but I'm excited for what the Lord's speaking through it today. It says, a man had two sons. The younger son told his father, I want my share of your estate now before you die. So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. I mean, even today, but especially in those days, to go to your father and say, I want half of the family's wealth, I'm done, is as good as wishing your father dead. You can imagine the impact on that father's heart. A few days later, this younger son packed all of his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to fit to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. When he finally came to his senses, amen. Guys, this is a prayer I ask God all the time when I'm in a point of tension. I'm like, God, if I need to come to my senses, show me. All of us need to pray this over ourselves. He said to himself, at home, even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger. I will go home to my father and say, Father, I've sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant. So he returned home to his father, and while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, Father, I've sinned against both heaven and you, and I'm no longer worthy of being called your son. But his father said to the servants, Quick, bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet, and kill the calf. We have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast. For this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found. So the party began. Meanwhile, the older son, by the way, this is so typical with children, like things will be going so well with one child. And then meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house. And he asked one of the servants, What was going on? Your brother is back. He was told, and your father has killed the fatted calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return. The older brother was angry and wouldn't go in. His father came out and begged him. But he replied, All these years I've slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back, after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fatted calf. His father said to him, Look, dear son, you have always stayed with me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day for your brother was dead and he's come back to life. He was lost, but now he's found. What was happening? I'm going off notes. What was happening with the older son in that moment? Is that he probably was so hurt himself that his brother had taken half the family's values and had insulted his father who had been faithful to him. And he's like, here he goes again. Just grace upon grace. What about justice? And that pain of the oldest son is very valuable. And then you have the younger son who disrespected the whole family and the way he handled it. And there was something in him that is perfectly valid. He was done with whatever this family culture was. He was done being controlled. He did not feel heard, and he's out of there. I want to speak specifically to the young people in the room. Your pain and your frustrations within your families is valid. Hey guys, I am the sixth of 12 kids. I got some valid things. But don't worry, dad and I are good. We process. It's very, very valid. But if you are not guarding your heart in Christ Jesus, you will unintentionally partner with a lie and a judgment against your parents. My mother always used to say, in our weakness, he is strong. And it taught me that when we are in an overwhelmed moment, I must go to the heart of God first to be able to operate and partner with the kingdom of God in our lives. And so I'm I am not minimizing anybody's pain within their family. I am challenging you to guard your heart in Christ Jesus and let him give you your heart for your siblings. Or your parents or those that have hurt you. I do need to pause and give a caveat. If you have been uh physically abused or sexually abused or um other patterns of abuse, hold on. I am not asking you to navigate that alone. You need to make sure that you have qualified, wise people stewarding how to heal from that. And sometimes boundaries for a season or longer is necessary, but you can still receive the heart of God for the situation. Fair? Okay. And so we have both sons with valid pain in this parable, and they are tearing apart their family. One judgment, justified judgments, probably at a time. And and I I had this overwhelming moment in preparation, and I thought, what a shame it would have been if the younger son never got to see the father running towards him. What if he just never came home? He would have never truly known his father's heart. Some of you, that's not just for your earthly father, but is towards the Lord. Some of you need to come home. Because God, this is a picture of our heavenly father's heart. His heart is towards home. Some of us have abandoned our earthly families, and we're in the kingdom of God, and we've given up and we've kind of just don't even know how to pray. But the Lord has handpicked you in your family line to start partnering with him, praying and contending. I have family members that I have been on my knees even as a child, saying, God, I don't know how you're gonna do it, but protect him. I don't know how you're gonna do it, but bring them home. I don't know how you're gonna do it, but get them off trucks. There is no one that is too far gone for the Lord. And kids, your parents are not too far gone. And they are as vulnerable as you. We are all needing the Lord. Um so I want you guys to look at your handout that I gave you, and I'm not going to read through all of these. I hesitated to do a handout because that's not normally my MO. But if you've heard me preach, I often preach on 1 Corinthians 13. It's a guidepost in my life. And I was having a hunger to really want to know what each of those words meant to God and what Paul was trying to communicate when he wrote 1 Corinthians 13. Um, it was written in the language of Greek, but Paul's understanding of the meaning of these words when he wrote them was in Hebrew, which is why I use that meaning. But here's just a couple. This is something I do when I'm just struggling with somebody. Uh, one of them, I love, is kind. And the literal meaning in Hebrew is covenant loyalty, meaning an active, unstoppable force of mercy, an active goodness that is choosing to fulfill the duty of love. Protection. Mean full of protection. To clothe or overspread, building a protective shield around a person's flaws, to guard them from disgrace while they heal. You know, in our present cancel culture, you don't see many people wanting to guard people from disgrace. And hey, I'm pro-correction, just hang out with me for ten minutes. But in the kingdom of God, you correct to restore. So as a parent, as a boss, as a coworker, when you are called to set the standard of correction, your very nature is meant to be you correct to restore. And if you are approaching anyone without that heart, you are missing the mark. I had a situation, I'm not gonna go into details, where a teacher drastically missed the mark with a couple of my kids. I mean, it was bad. I'm just gonna say things were on video. We had to go to the video. That was fun. And I the next day just happened to be parent-teacher conferences. So I emailed the principal and I said, Hey, um, I know we've been in contact, but I think you really need to be there because I am a mama bear currently, and I'm not sure what I'll do. And so as I walked into that meeting and I saw the look on that teacher's face, I saw so much brokenness. And I realized this is the enemy, kind of what had happened was she completely misjudged my children. And she was operating from there. And immediately the Lord was like, you are to correct, to restore Amy. You are to approach her with a heart of restoration. And I was like, really? Because I even got the green light from Joey to go. You know, I mean, if you know my husband, he's steady, he's calm, he's like such a good anchor. And I I was we were talking about this over coffee, and I was like, Do I have your permission? And he's like, You have my permission. And I'm like, Yes. And then the Holy Spirit was like, No. And I ended up just in that moment being like, hey, I don't think any of us want to be in this room right now, and I would just like to acknowledge that. I want to acknowledge that you are probably really stressed that your boss is sitting in on this parent-teacher conference and how everything played. And I just need you to know, I think what happened was you perceived my children incorrectly. And when they do things wrong, I definitely want to know. And believe me, they will throw each other under the bus. But this time it just wasn't right. And our trust is broken, but I think we can rebuild trust. So if you'll partner with me, let's do this. And I was able to end that meeting hugging her and hugging the principal. And one thing I've had several moments, one thing with the principal, she has said to me, you know, Amy, uh, the thing about your family is you carry um mercy. And I just want to thank you for that. The last one is full of hope. Accord or expectant waiting, holding tightly to a strong bond of rope or expectation for God's breakthrough, even in darkness. For those of you with broken, maybe you've not in contact with your family, this is one for me where I go back to this parable, and anytime my heart is broken over somebody that I've lost relationship with, the Lord tells me, like he gives me a picture of sitting on the porch and resting in his presence and expecting him to move. I had had one relationship that I had lost for about I don't know, eight years. And it was one that meant so much to my heart. And in November, the Lord said, I'm gonna restore that daughter. And I was like, I don't know how. Stewardship in the midst of chaos means surrendering what you deserve to give others what they don't deserve. I'm gonna say that again. Stewardship in the midst of chaos means surrendering what you deserve to give others what they don't deserve. With your siblings, with your spouse, your teachers. Are you always trying to get what you deserve? Or do you not know that everything your heavenly father has is yours already? And you get to be a steward of that access. There are families in this room where it's like every time you start to turn your heart towards the Lord, it's like you get sideswiped with chaos and disappointment. And then you're just like, I'm out. The father, even with the second, I'm a parent, man, and there are days where I'm like, really? Really? And the Lord reminds me, Amy, if you lose their heart, you lose it all. We are not called to live from a position of control and shame. We are called to live from the access and the freedom and the stewardship of Christ. I had this beautiful picture of Christ sending his son and he was stewarding his very creation by making a way for us on the cross. Amen. Your families matter. Do you know that if a father fathers you matter? Men, you matter. Men of every race, you matter. Our world needs you to rise up, to be men of character, to walk faithfully with your wife and children. Spiritual fathers and mothers, you matter. Just because you've raised your natural-born children does not mean that your call is done. We're called to be stewardship. Stewards. So this morning, we're gonna end with a worship song. And I felt led to just, as we enter in, I felt led to encourage you guys to come and take communion and to ask yourself these questions. If you are living from a place of control or accomplishment and neglected in moments to steward the hearts around you with the love of the Father, there's an invitation to repent. Maybe some of you don't get in a lot of conflict, but if you're honest with yourself, you just don't really feel like your participation matters. I felt that being the sixth of twelve, there was always somebody with a greater talent or a bigger crisis. And I just my mom would say, You raise yourself. And the enemy brought in that lie that my partition, my participation in the family does not matter. I literally, as a child, would lie in bed and be like, nobody's gonna remember my birthday this year. Should I tell him? And it was something, and I would sit in church. It translated then to my relationship with God. I would sit in church, and if the spirit was moving and prophetic words were happening, I would sit there and I would say, Nobody's gonna call out my call. Doesn't matter. And there was a moment where the Lord said, You are so exhausted from nobody seeing who you are in me. Because I love Jesus. The problem wasn't my heart towards Jesus, but I had put everybody else's thought, opinions of me up on a pedestal above God. They were an idol in my life, and I didn't know it. And the Lord said, Don't you know everything I have is yours? You're all your identity comes from me. Don't you know? So when are you gonna start living like it? You just be who I've called you to be. It doesn't matter if you have a title, it doesn't matter if people notice you. You out you have access to me, and I'm what matters. Students, you have the authority to shift the spiritual atmospheres in your home. I want you to pay attention to how you feel when you are in an ungodly environment versus an environment where people are loving Jesus. You you will walk into people's homes and you will be like, I don't know what's going on here, but something's going on here and it doesn't feel right. And then you'll walk into somebody carrying the presence of God, and you're like, I cannot get enough of them. And maybe some of you are like the younger son, and you need to come to your senses. I've um often I prayed that prayer over my loved ones and I've seen the Lord work. I specifically felt that that Hosea scripture was for those who had gone through divorce. Or maybe you're separated. Just turn your heart towards home and what he says is enough. Jesse has a closing for us, and he shared it in pre-service prayer, and I felt that it was anointed for this moment. So if you need prayer during this worship song, um come have communion. But there'll be ministry team, you can come. The ministry team will be up here. I I will be up here. I'd love to pray for any of you. And guys, God's heart is towards you. And he's calling the sons and daughters and fathers and mothers home, and it is beautiful. So Lord, we love you. I thank you to bring us to our senses. And Lord, when we're one decision away from tearing down our family again, would you arrest our hearts? Would you point us towards home? Would you show us how to parent our children, each of them uniquely in the way that their hearts can receive? Lord, when our marriages have hit a wall and we don't know what to do, and we go around the mountain over and over and over again, and chaos seems to be at every corner. Lord, I thank you in Jesus' name. I command in the name of Jesus that any pattern that holds itself up against the obedience of Christ in every family represented here must come down in Jesus' name. I thank you that you are a God that restores. You are a God of new beginnings. And so, Lord, I thank you for restored marriages and restored children, their hearts. I thank you where chaos once reigned, the peace, the Prince of Peace would reign. So, God, we look to you and we won't be overwhelmed with our weakness. Because you are strong and you speak a better word. Amen.

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Thank you, Father, for how much you love us. Um, you know, God describes himself as a heavenly father, uh, which means uh those who call on the name of Jesus are considered his children. So automatically, we're in a family. And uh I love that you guys grab that last song. Thank you, thank you, Jesus, for uh paving the way for that one phrase in there, there's no lie you won't tear down. And I feel like there's just a couple things I want to speak to as we close, and we we'd like to send you off with a blessing. Uh, but I want to just name a couple potential lies. One of the lies is that this first question that Amy started with is how do I build a healthy household? And there might be some of you who feel like you don't you don't have a household um for whatever reason. Uh maybe you've lost someone to death, or maybe you've lost Someone to infidelity, or maybe you're yearning for the family that's yet to be, or maybe you're just young and uh student and not not starting a family yet. And and so today's message is entirely relevant to you because you have a heavenly father, and you're a child of God, and you're loved, and you're in the household of God. Uh, the other thing that um was highlighted to me this morning in pre-service prayers, we have this concept, and it's it's bigger in charismatic churches too, this idea of generational curses. Y'all familiar with that concept? And we like to pray against generational curses and break off generational curses. And we think of the verse where God says he visits the iniquity of the fathers to the third and fourth generation, and we're keen to that concept. But you know, we don't always think about the the next verse that says that God visits his blessings to a thousand generations on those who love him. And I think about my father, who was the first, and I don't know how far back the generational sin of godlessness went, but I know that my dad in 1970 got on his knees and trusted Jesus Christ as his Savior, despite the poor parenting of his parents, despite his history, despite having not grown up in the church, he surrendered his life to Jesus Christ. And he and he will admit that when I was young, he was not a good father. My parents were divorced when I was eight, so I've come from a broken home. And it was a it was a bit of a mess, and yet he started changing that generational direction. And he's told me that I'm a better father than he was. He's usually on Father's Day, he tells me that, which I love. And I told my son just yesterday when we were navigating through some conflict and some failures on my part as a dad, I encouraged him that through what he's learning and some of the things he said, man, his wisdom are beyond his years, that he will be a better father than me. So the blessing of God continues to generation and far outweighing any of the generational curses. So you today, whoever you are today, you can bring generational blessing by walking in the love of your heavenly father. Thank you. Yeah, bring it. Bring it. Wherever you are at, you can walk in that blessing. Um let's just uh close with this. The the verse in um, you know, I think about Joel. I know you mentioned Hosea, and Hosea talks about uh God giving them back their vineyard. Uh in Joel, it's a little bit lengthier passage, and he he uses this phrase, he will give back to you the years the locusts have eaten. So in Hosea it talks about the vineyard being restored, and we get a little better context uh in Joel that it had to do with the locusts coming and God saying he's gonna return back the years that the locusts have eaten. And the interesting thing about that whole context is the locusts eating the vine in the first place was a judgment from God because of their disobedience. And God is appealing to them return to me, come to me, and I will restore to you even the even the consequences of your own actions, even the destruction that is in your wake, God can restore that. And that's the blessing of the Father. So I'm gonna read right the very next verse in Joel. We're just gonna close with this blessing. You guys can go ahead and stand up. So we're gonna get it ready to leave. And I'd like you to just have a receiving posture, whatever that looks like for you. For me, it's usually hands open and like bring it, God. Love I receive it, I get this blessing. And this is in Joel 226. And God, I just pray over these people here today, all of us as your children, that we will eat in plenty and be satisfied. That we will praise the name of you, the Lord our God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And God, may you deal wondrously with us this week as we go out. May your people never be put to shame. Go with God today, receive his blessing, and from his blessing pour it out to others around you. Thank you, guys.